David Cameron flying England flag at No. 10

BBC News – Cameron England Flag Fool

I like Cameron, but when I read this I was a bit disturbed. Why would the Prime Minister of England only fly the English flag at his office during the World Cup?! Is it because he’s trying to be one of the lads?

I say get that flag up all year around or not at all. Don’t do it when some football festival is on. This has no relevance to the day to day running of our counry.

This is England, why not take pride in our identity – all year around.

This goes for all the dicks with England flags on their cars too. Get them up all year around, or not at all.

And don’t even get me started on the football competition…

Posted in Rants | 1 Comment

Goons Guide to a Groovy Glastonbury time

For Liz and James. 

Glasto Drizzle

Glasto Drizzle

It’s nearly boogie time again, and I have had a couple of requests to create a little guide for Glastonbury virgins.

I have a discount card for Go Outdoors (check me out!) so if anybody wants to use it, hollar at me. 

Things to take 

  1. Your Glasto ticket (idiot)
  2. Your Glasto carpark ticket (not as important as 1. becasue at least you can dump your car in a random field and walk to the fest)
  3. Wellington Boots. Don’t try and be clever and take Crocs; becasue you will a) look like a dick, and b)get muddy feet.
  4. A tent. If you can be arsed, get it out of the attic now and put it up. See if you are missing any parts or have any gaping holes. I will have a variety of flavours of tape for quick and dirty on site repairs.
  5. Sleeping bag. Get a decent one. Ray Mears always says; “Life’s too short for shit sleeping bags”. GO
  6. A pillow. Poundland, £1. One year I used some towels in a carrier bag as a pillow, and woke up with “TESCO” all over my face.
  7. Shorts. I have some wicked ones that are the exact length, so that where my shorts end my wellies begin.
  8. Trousers… hmm. Maybe for on a night. But wearing trousers under waterproofs will make you sweat like a bitch. So take some shorts to wear under your waterproofs, in the highly likely event that it will piss and shit it down.
  9. Waterproof trousers (Gooutdoors.co.uk)
  10. Waterproof jacket (as above)
  11. Clothes. Obviously. Unless we’re camping in the Hippy village where they will shoot you down if you wear clothes.
  12. A blanket. You’re in a field douc hebag, you might get nippy on a night. And you can use it to make the inside of your tent a bit more cosy. Primarni £2. (gay)
  13. Wet wipes. Lots of wet wipes. To clean 1 cm^2 of wet mud = 1 wet wipe. Dried on mud = 100 wet wipes.
  14. General cleanlyness things. Clean hanky. Clean undies. Etc.
  15. Hair gloss, lip volumiser, eye enhancer
  16. IGNORE 15. For God’s sake. You’re not Kate Moss, and if you walk around the field looking pristine I will push you in the mud.
  17. String, tape, a pen knife, matches/lighter
  18. A Torch! Nearly forgot! A headtorch is good for hands free operation (around £5 from go outdoors) or handheld torches are good for heads free operation. [for those with no head, or an aversion to moving your head to the area you wish to illuminate]
  19. A cup / drinking vessle.
  20. Plate? Depends how civilised you want to be.

Consumables 

  1. Beer. Cider. Some sort of low alcohol content – high water content semi-booze for casual during the day/breakfast drinking
  2. Gin, Vodka, Whiskey, Rum for turbo-power drinking on an evening (mixers optional)
  3. Empty 2L bottle. (For water storage. Fill it if you want but see point 4.)
  4. Remember, 1L of liquid = 1Kg you have to carry for frankly fucking miles from the car
  5. Any other chemicals you may require
  6. Protection. Be safe kids. If you’re gonna be a lover, remember to put on your cover.
  7. You get special glasto toilet paper there. If there’s brown on one side, turn the sheet over and use the other side. It’s the greenest way, Man.

Community Shizzle 

  1. There is no point in us ALL taking teabags, etc. I have a load of UHT milk (alright for Brews) so I’ll bring that. Someone bring teabags , sugar, coffee?
  2. I have a 2 ring cooker, and I think Rob’s bringing a big kettle. You can use either for a nominal fee of £5 per minute.

Things to make 

  1. A funny hat.

Thinks to bake 

  1. I’ll take care of that unless anyone wants to put in a special order for their own batch? Or we can make them all together on Tuesday?

Think of some fun stuff to take. Waterpistols, frisbee, paints (pristine labcoat needs to be made un-pristine). 

If I’ve missed anything, let me know in the comments. Other than that, I think all that’s left to say is…. 

FUCKING GLASTONBURY!! Wooo!

Posted in Guide | 10 Comments

Music for babies (idiots, and the deaf)

There haven’t been any rants about music yet, but believe me – they will come.

This picture says 1000 words about the way I feel about popular music.

Music For Babies

Music For Babies

Music for babies, idiots and deaf people

Posted in Rants | Leave a comment

iBook, iPad, iPhone, iDon’tCare

It’s that time again… Apple’s PR people are being made to work for their money with some excellent marketing and product launch. That’s it though. Nothing else is new here.

OK, so the new iPhone is going to have a screen at a higher resolution than humanoid pupils. Why? I don’t know. Why implement that, pushing the price up, when nobody, ever, is going to be able to make use of that? It’s not a case of futureproofing, this will NEVER be of any use to anybody! Bit odd.

The iPad, slightly different. Obviously it’s still mainly an impressive marketing feat, but it does fill a little gap between smartphone and netbook. I’m going to fill my gap with something a little more open, perhaps Android based though.

If you have one, at least have a look at the link below. And for god’s sake jailbreak it.

http://www.ipad.net/ipad-hacks/

Posted in Rants | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

MicroRant: People that don’t immediately GO when the light turns green

What’s with that?! It should be like formula one… as soon as the light turns green everybody should just GO GO GO! Then nobody gets stuck behind and misses the green light.
Really gets my goat. What are these people doing whilst waiting if not staring at the traffic light, with their foot on the pedal ready to go?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

MicroRant: People that just can’t let the sentence ennnnnnnd

I am unfortunate enough to have a couple of people as acquaintances who INSIST on elongating the last word of every sentence. This is most annoying on sentences that end with the letter S, such as thissssssss. Just imagine that last letter being drawn out… why? Why do they do it? Nobody has been able to supply with me an answer as yet.

Thoughts?

Posted in Rants | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Are you right wing?

I’ve always been pretty right of centre, politically speaking. I’m not really sure where it came from, as my parents are pretty left – not extreme left, but certainly not on the centre line.

I was excited about Cameron’s election, even if it wasn’t quite as satisfying as it could have been. It’s a shame we need Nick Clegg to act as Maggie in the opening titles of The Simpsons. Rumour has it he’s going to get his own fake steering wheel.

So what I’m asking is, are you right wing? Even just a little bit? You can still be left, with a bit of right at heart. Nobody’s going to judge you here. I’m just interested to see what people think. I think social convention colours peoples views a bit when it comes to politics. People are too afraid to vote for someone different, just as they are too afraid to like a different band, clothing brand, or type of tick on their trainers. This obviously doesn’t account for all people, and certainly not the people that move in the circles in which I move. But still, an alarming number of people do fall into this category, and I wonder what sort of a place the UK would be if we didn’t have these people.

I’m not suggesting we exterminate them… but they certainly are mighty annoying.

Posted in Rants | Tagged , , | 1 Comment